


Friends 2.0

by Ashley2010



Category: Friends
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:17:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15611124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley2010/pseuds/Ashley2010
Summary: Nothing personal





	1. Chapter 1

JENNIFER And RAVEENA: what’s the answer to this question teacher?

FATIMA: (from across the room) well according to all the calculations you’re both gay

———-

FATIMA, ANNIE, JENNIFER: I love something shiny

RAVEENA: *throws a bucket of glitter over her head* hello


	2. Ok Jan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok Jan

Jan: what the fuck are you doing on your phone?

Annie: what the fuck are you doing with that haircut?

Jan:

Jan: okay *walks away*

——

JENNIFER: How long does it take until you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Fatima: I think abou-

ANNIE: 72 hours

FATIMA: how do you know that?

ANNIE, LOOKING AT HER PHONE: There’s a clown behind you


	3. Yikezz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing personal

ANNIE: ….. Hey Raveena what are you drinking? Does it have milk inside of it?

RAVEENA: Yeah it’s chocolate milk want some?

ANNIE: fuck yeah

RAVEENA: why did you ask if it has milk in it tho

ANNIE: I’m lactose intolerant and I hope this kills me

———

RAVEENA: All I want are SNUGGLES 

RAVEENA: All I got were STRUGGLES

———

Akua: [is choking]

RAVEENA: Help! I need to call 911 but the 9 button won’t work

ANNIE: Just turn it upside down and use the 6!

RAVEENA: GENIUS

AKUA: [stops choking momentarily] what the fuck

———

AKUA: I did all my homework for all 9 classes in one night, I went to choir practice the same day and I cooked dinner for my family

RAVEENA: Is you’re hand stuck in the vending machine 

AKUA: I paid for my popcorn! I’m getting my popcorn!

———

FATIMA: Do your FUCKING HOMEWORK!!!!

RAVEENA: [spits blood at her feet] FUCK YOU

FATIMA: where did you get all that blood from? I haven’t even hit you??

———

RANDY: *slides Annie a $20* pls stop ignoring me

ANNIE: Hey look a $20 bill

——-

RAVEENA: yeah I’ll probably die alone

Waiter: no I said will you be dining alone?

RAVEENA: oh yeah that too

——

JENNIFER:[learning how to park] Hey Fatima am I straight?

JENNIFER: SNORTS

——

FATIMA: [holding her newborn child] where are it’s stats??

——


	4. We can’t be together

“JENNIFER!!! WE CANT BE TOGETHER LIKE THIS!!!” Fatima yelled.

It was raining and they were in zuccotti Park. The pigeons were startled away.

“FATIMA WE’RE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION HERE IM BUYING FOOD”

Jennifer couldn’t take it anymore, Fatima didn’t know what she wanted. One day she’s committed to the relationship and the next she isn’t. Jennifer is trying to a good girlfriend and a friend but all of this has been getting on her nerves. 

She twirled her umbrella hoping it would calm her down. But Fatima wasn’t stopping.

“JENNIE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!!”

“WHERES YOUR UMBRELLA?!?”

“OH MY GOD LISTEN TO ME”

“IM LISTENING”

“I LOVE YOU BUT WE CANT BE TOGETHER LIKE THIS”

Jennifer paid for her food and walked up to Fatima.

“Then why?”

“Why are we here?” Fatima didn’t know how answer her back

“I’ve been trying to be an understanding girlfriend, I understand all the religious stuff but this is all to much”

“Jenn-

“No please don’t we’re over” Jennie walked away

“Jennifer wait” Jennifer stopped but didn’t look back.

“You didn’t understand my words” Jennifer turned around

“I said we can’t be like this together, I never said we can’t be together”

“What are saying!?”

Fatima was soaking wet from the rain so when she slowly got on her knee and pulled out a small bow from her hijab she almost slipped.

“Fatima” Jennie didn’t know what to say

“Jennifer will you marry me?” There was tears coming from both of their eyes. Jennifer walked closer to Fatima and Fatima her heart was racing at that point. She didn’t know what she would do if Jenny said no.

“Fatima”

“Yes”

“Omg yesssss”

Fatima got up and lifted Jennifer up in the air. Jennifer hugged Fatima tightly and when Fatima put her down. There lips met together for a powerful kiss.

“I love you” Jennifer said as Fatima slid on the ring.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER


	5. OOF

"we gotta respect women,Elmer !" Raveena screams.   
   
"if she breathes she's a thot!" Elmer replies.   
   
"all women are queens, Elmer !"   
   
Raveena punches Elmer into the sky, sending him into the stratosphere. fucking obliterated. 


	6. Fuck ur chicken strips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s us but as ugly and retarded villains

Fatima: Can you not Raveena your way into this

Raveena: Did you use my name as a verb  
———

Raveena: Annie there’s a power outage and it’s scary here

Annie: Dw bro I got this

Annie: *Stomps foot* *sketchers light up*

———

Fatima: You’re ugly

Annie: Why must you attack me with words?

Fatima: Do you want me to use rocks?

———

Jennifer: *To a hostage* I will keep you here all night if I have too

Raveena: We can’t keep them past 4

Jennifer: I will keep you here until 4

———

Annie: Raveena hasn’t replied in 5 minutes 

Jennifer: She’s probably just busy

Raveena: I’m right here tho 

Fatima: We’ve missed you Satan 

———

Fatima: *Hears a bang*

Fatima: *Picks up Raveena and Annie*

Fatima: Grab the small ones first their tiny legs are useless!!

————

Akua: Imagine if someone handed you a box filled of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Annie: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back

Jennifer: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this

Fatima: My will to live! I haven’t seen you in 15 years

Raveena: Mental stability, my old friend

———-  
(RANDOM ALARM GOES OFF)

Rachel: What’s the emergency?!

Raveena: *Looking up from her phone* My mother’s on her way 

Rachel: Wtf

———-

Akua: *Sitting and reading a newspaper*

*Suddenly hears a crash and some screaming from upstairs*

*Footsteps running back and forth on the ceiling*

Jennifer: AKUAAAAAA!!!!!

*Another crash and some muffled grunting*

Raveena: Don’t listen to her Akua, everything is fine!

*Some more muffled cursing and punches*

Annie: This is all Randy’s fault im going to kill him when I see him!

Raveena: For the love of god someone put out the fire!!

*More running*

Fatima: I got it!!

*The sound of a pipe bursting*

*More screaming and cursing*

Jennifer: Akua call the fire department!!!!

Raveena: Screw it!! Call the FBI Annie’s in fire!!!!!!

*More screaming*

Akua: *Sips her tea* I hate my fucking life

———-

Annie: Hey how was your check up?

Jennifer: Pretty good, the doctor told me to start killing people

Annie: ….

Jennifer: Well, he actually said I should reduce the stress in my life, but I knew what he meant…

———-

Akua: Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to drive the getaway car today

Annie: We’re not allowed to play that anymore 

Akua: Why??

Fatima: *Slowly putting a rock back on the ground* I have no clue 

———-

Death: I have come to take you, again

Raveena: Hold up let me ask my mom

Death: It’s not a choi-

Raveena: My mom said no

———-

Jennifer: *High off of morphine* Annieeeee

Annie: what?

Jennifer: I…. I typed in my symptoms into the things on the DMWeb-

Annie: WebMD

Jennifer: It said I could have network connectivity problems

Annie:...........

Jennifer: I don’t want to die

———-

Akua: *Talking to Jennifer after Raveena has woken up from a blackout* If it’s a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions

Jennifer: Raveena what’s 7 plus 7?

Akua: Stuff she knows?!?

———-


End file.
